Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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