what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
