i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
