i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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