she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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