you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
