Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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