the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We had to coat check the pizza.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
