I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
