It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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