In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
