im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
