I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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