I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
