grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's the barista slut.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
