She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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