So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
