i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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