Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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