I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
