She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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