the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
