Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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