How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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