Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Will exercising make me less horny?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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