haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
