Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
