Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
