What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
