well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
FUCK WHALES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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