Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
