fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
