so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
