You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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