In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
