Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
