Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
