She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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