he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
