I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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