What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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