i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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