evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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