So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
