Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Couch. On fire.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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