awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
