and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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