Screwed.edu
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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