But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
