EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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