There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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