No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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