I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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