I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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