people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
