There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
