I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
