addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
