i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
