Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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