do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
