Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I die, sorry about rent.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
