i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
