Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
