I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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