I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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