I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
