Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this will be a night to untag.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
